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by NorthwesternInsanity



Series: Dave Mustaine and Metallica Abandonment [4]
Category: Megadeth, Metallica, Music RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Four - Freeform, Fear of Abandonment, Fluff, Gen, Nervousness, Reunion, band brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 20:52:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12044058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthwesternInsanity/pseuds/NorthwesternInsanity
Summary: The emotions during the reunion at the first Big Four concert with Dave and his former bandmates in Metallica.





	Home

Tension hung thick over the Megadeth tent behind the huge stage.

In less than an hour, Dave Mustaine, along with Megadeth, would share the stage with Metallica. He would perform with his former bandmates. For the first time since 1983.

He'd talked to James and Lars by email multiple times, and a couple of times by phone in preparation for this. It was obvious they were on good terms for this event. Still, the redhead couldn't help but feel nervous. He hoped it would go well -that it wouldn't backfire. That some big argument wouldn't come up and ruin the whole thing, making it a misery that would cause history to repeat along with its traumas.

 _"I'm not trying to recover our old friendship from the beginning. That ship has sailed. We've all been apart and changed too much for that to happen. This is a fresh start. We'll hope to get along, have a good time, and maybe become friends again, but I can't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. At least I won't have lost anything..."_ Dave didn't realize he had begun whispering his internal monologue aloud, until David came into the section of the tent he was in.

"Dave? You nervous?" he asked.

"I guess -oh, who am I kidding? Damn right I'm nervous, David," answered Dave, his voice strained in a near panic.

His heart was racing and his chest felt tight, his stomach twisted. How would the others react to him? Would it be positive like in the emails? Or were they doing this so that they could just abandon him again? 

_No they're not doing this so that they can do that to you, Dave, you big idiot. Stop thinking like that -that's in the past. Stop letting your past trauma dictate your thoughts and actions. It's just your fear of abandonment, and it's stupid! You know that!_ Dave sat down in a chair and curled up in the fetal position, squeezing his eyes shut tight, silently berating himself.

"Dave," soothed David, putting a hand on his longtime bandmate's shoulder, attempting to reground him before he had a panic attack. Even though now after years Dave had finally managed to get sober, forgive his former bandmates in Metallica, and no longer held any ills toward them for what they'd done, moments like these clearly showed that the damage it had caused would never heal despite how Dave looked at it. He was still terrified of the possibility of suffering that pain again.

"I know I shouldn't be this nervous, David, but I just can't-" Dave continued to stay in the fetal position, gently rocking back and forth in the chair, trying to get a handle on the bundle of nerves he was.

"Dave, look. You said it. You said that if you all don't manage to become friends in a new sense, then you won't have lost anything from before this event. I'm sure they didn't invite you out here to be miserable and a nervous wreck the whole time. Enjoy it -if not with them, with the guys in Anthrax and Slayer. The worst that can possibly happen with Metallica is that none of you guys talk to each other throughout all these events and stay away from each others' tents. Again, you won't have lost anything -because you wouldn't have talked to each other without this either. You at least communicated some organizing this."

Dave exhaled forcefully, trying to dissipate the nerves buzzing in him. His heart was racing still, but the tightness that felt almost like an electrical shock in the chest was fading a bit. Unfurling slowly, he looked up at David, then around the tent, trying to reconnect himself with now rather than the fear running through his mind.

"You think they're alright with it?"

"Oh, good _lord_ , Dave. Do you think that with as uptight and high strung he's made himself out to be in the last decade that Lars Ulrich would agree to have himself and his bandmates share the stage with you if he wasn't certain of it?" demanded David.

Dave snorted. David did have a point there. Lars liked to have control of everything, and he was probably the most likely, of any of them, to have a problem. Rob Trujilo wasn't a worry, as he'd had no connection with Dave in the past. And Rob seemed to have a positive outlook toward everyone, so given Dave didn't somehow royally screw things up and piss the guy off, he figured they should be fine.

"What about James and Kirk? James... He -I know he's acted excited about it and all, but it's hard, you know what I mean? And how's Kirk going to respond to me being onstage with him?" Dave was prepared to accept that he and James would never be brothers like they had been again. He just hoped James would accept him for his changes, just as Dave would for him. 

And Kirk was a whole 'nother can of worms. God forbid... Dave had done his best to accept Kirk. He knew and had accepted that Kirk had no influence on his leaving -he'd just happened to be the replacement. He no longer felt threatened by him, and wanted to believe that regardless of his own opinion of his playing abilities, that Kirk Hammett was a good person. And he hoped that his being there wouldn't cause Kirk to feel threatened or become aggressive toward him.

"James has a fear of abandonment too, Dave. A different type from yours, but he does. Don't forget that. He's probably backstage nervous as hell right now too for all we know. And Kirk knows you're not going to reclaim his place -he's been in Metallica long enough that he knows he's not going anywhere unless he does a major league fuck up with the others. The guy can be shy as hell around people he doesn't know well from what I've seen and heard around this place. You would be in more a position to confront him than he would you."

"I know, I know... I knew it before. I'm just nervous as fuck about it. Not about playing -I prepared for the set well. It's just being there with them. I need to stop worrying about it, I know..." Dave got up and paced around the tent, knowing they had ten minutes to time to go onstage.

"It'll be alright Dave. If nothing else, I'll be up there with you. You can trust me. I'll be there for you, and we'll be there for each other." With that, David left to go back to his section to get his bass and go through his last minute stage prep. He'd done his duty as a bandmate and brother to reassure Dave, but the rest of this was Dave's situation to deal with. He had no business in the rest of it -and he had to make Dave take the rest of his fear on his own, or he'd never conquer it for himself.

Dave paced through the tent to the other areas, completing a couple of last minute tasks before strapping his guitar on and walking out of the tent. Chris was already outside wearing his guitar, and Shawn stood by the stage entrance dutifully, prepared to walk onstage to where his drums were waiting for him.

The set went well for Megadeth. But it was after they finished their individual set that Dave felt his mouth going dry and his knees becoming unsteady. The electrified tightness was coming back to his chest, and he was extremely nervous.

_This is it. They're all coming out for the finale, James is gonna introduce everyone, and we're gonna be onstage with each other._

"Relax dude, it's gonna be alright." That was Chris. Dave realized his nerves must have been showing. _Damn_. He wished he could just pull himself together and stop being so nervous about this.

Now James was coming to the front of the stage, Chris had moved back, David had gone to stand over on the left side of the stage as planning, leaving Dave standing on his own, waiting for the others to start coming on.

"Well, everyone..." James started to speak, and the crowd went wild. 

"This is a celebration, man. These bands have been together almost 30 years!"

More applause.

"But for some of us, a performance together has never happened once in that time. And for some of us, it's also a reunion after all that time." 

Dave felt a flinch jolt through him, and all of a sudden, there was a tight feeling in the back of his throat that he couldn't explain. He turned around, as everyone had planned to, to greet the others coming out on stage for the performance, starting with the guys from Anthrax.

"This is all good," stated James firmly as his bandmates in Metallica began to file out behind Anthrax. "Moving forward, in the name of heavy metal."

As James said those words, all of a sudden, Dave felt a smaller arm reach up around him and pull him into a tight hug. Lars. Almost as soon as it happen, Dave felt his arm reaching up almost automatically without thought to hug Lars too. It felt right. Like it was supposed to happen. Like it should have happened a long time before now.

"It's about time this happened, Dave -it's gonna be fine. Relax." The small, Danish drummer could feel how tense Dave's muscles were with anxiety. "We're gonna have fun with this."

Dave nodded, finding himself unable to verbally respond, but his smile said it all. He was so overwhelmed, but he'd wanted this to happen for years. Not necessarily this way, but finally, it was closure in some way. Healing.

As soon as Lars let go, Dave saw Kirk coming with an outstretched arm, and he immediately raised his own to return the hug. A combination of guilt twisted his stomach with the overwhelming happiness. 

Kirk Hammett. The guy who Dave had trash talked out of jealousy up into the early 2000s because he'd been his replacement. The guy who's girlfriend at the time had been in an affair with Dave as revenge for his replacing him. The guy who even if Dave didn't think was a very good guitarist definitely didn't deserve all the scornful hate that had been aimed for him.

And there he was, pulling Dave into a hug as if he were a long lost, returning family member.

"It's all good, dude, it's good," murmured Kirk, his voice a bit timid and shaky. He obviously didn't know how Dave would take to him and his greeting, but was trying to be kind as possible anyway. "Let's rock this."

Dave nodded, looking down at the ground. "Together," he murmured, adding onto what Kirk had said. "Thanks, dude." It was unspoken, but said between the two that they were on even ground with no ills. They weren't there to compete, challenge, compare, or put each other down. They were there to play together in their own styles and ways respectfully.

He couldn't say any more than that, as there were others coming on to greet, and he wasn't sure why he felt he was practically choking. The whole scene around him was surreal, and he felt like it was a dream. He didn't even feel the sensation of his feet on the ground like in dreams, but when he pinched himself, it hurt, and he knew it was real.

As they lined up at the front of the stage, preparing to hit the first chords of "Am I Evil", Dave realized that there was one person who hadn't greeted him.

One person who hadn't hugged him, casually slapped his back, or shaken his hand.

One person... The one person Dave had hoped the most to reunite with of everyone onstage.

James.

Though still overwhelmed with the kindness Lars and Kirk had greeted him with after years of turmoil and hatred between the bands, Dave felt his heart, swollen with the emotion of the day, sinking hard and heavy.

His brother from way back still wasn't ready to reunite. Or was he? No, he wasn't there. 

He saw David on the other side of the stage. His other brother, his younger brother he'd never had growing up that had been there for him every moment to pick up the pieces and hold him together after he'd lost his first brother. The one who stayed true to him. Even when he'd left for a while, he came back and didn't abandon him -just like he promised. 

For a split second, Dave wanted so badly to run over to the other side of the stage -even if he couldn't hug David then when they would start playing. He knew that the bassist was always there for him, whether James would chose to be or not. 

But David leaned forward and gave Dave a thumbs up, signaling to him to stay where he was, and they were starting.

Mechanically, Dave reached down to strike the first chords as he'd practiced over and over again, learning it until it was natural muscle memory to play...

...and as he did, right behind his right shoulder, he heard an unmistakable, distinctive snarl of "Yeah!"

Dave flinched, almost hesitant to look over. If it had been his imagination -he didn't want that disappointment. But he did force himself to look up, and as he did, he was met with the typical, wild, James Hetfield grin.

There were signs of wear and aging around the blonde man's eyes and face, and his hair was much shorter than it had been when they'd last jammed together. But his smile was exactly the same and unmistakable. Unmistakable as he nodded at Dave as if to say it was about time they'd done this.

He had been right there, behind Dave. There by his side, jamming again as a brother. Not the same as in the 80s, but having learned many lessons, been through many different things, and having new respect for each other. A new brotherhood. A fresh start.

Dave dropped his head forward to head bang to the riff, playing with more energy, perking up with this surprise. At the same time, he was fighting to keep from bursting into tears onstage for all to see, and hoping his hair hanging down would hide his vulnerability to the audience.

It was so surreal that Dave simply played through the song on autopilot, almost shocked when it ended so soon, the audience erupting with a huge roar of applause. Everyone went to give hugs before exiting the stage, and this time, James approached Dave.

Dave felt a grin come on so big it hurt his cheeks. James came over and hugged him tightly, and he returned it, feeling something that had been missing for years replant itself inside of him. He turned away from the audience as soon as the hug broke, the floodgates being pushed open, tears spilling over. 

David quickly ran from the other side of the stage to catch up with them, wanting to make sure Dave was okay. He had seen the others, and knew it was an emotional day for more of them than just Dave. Especially playing next to Kirk. He could tell that Kirk had been very worried about it, and the relief the younger guitarist was feeling seeing that there was no animosity being held onstage was palpable.

The second they were offstage and in privacy away from the audience, James quickly put a hand on Dave's back, concerned. David quickly joined on the other side, putting his arm around his brother.

"Dave, man, are you okay?" asked James, suddenly. "You're not hurt, I didn't-?" He looked truly bewildered, unable to tell if something had happened just now or if this was residual, pent up pain from the 80s finally coming to the surface and being comforted instead of having to scar over inside.

David sat Dave down on the bench backstage, rubbing his back, fearing the guitarist was having a panic attack again. "He's been nerve wracked for weeks -I think he's just overwhelmed and coming down off of it." The bassist knew it was really just Dave going through the exact same overwhelming feeling of years of pain being reconciled -same as when he'd reunited with Dave after their short time of separation -only this time on a much more massive scale.

"Oh, Dave... We're glad you were able to make it here, man -I didn't realize you were going to be this nervous, brother," James stammered. 

_Brother._ It hit Dave like a brick in the chest. James called him _'brother'._ For the first time since that terrible morning back in 1983.

"I'm not nervous anymore..." murmured Dave, trying to regain himself, and reality, no longer feeling the panic or hyperventilation going through him, but more tears welling up. "I'm glad it went well. James..." He had to pause and swallow. "God, man, I missed you so much..."

James choked up, realizing that not only had it been so long since the two been together as brothers, but also remembering that when they were departing, he had been inconsolable, and Cliff had been hugging him, telling him it would be okay someday. If this was "someday", it really was a wonderful thing, and James only wished that Cliff could have lived to see it. He wondered if Cliff was watching it take place from somewhere afar.

Slowly, he reached forward, hugging Dave again, and this time, the guitarist was less tense. They were brothers again with a new start, and they had more brothers with them now. David stood behind Dave, and Kirk and Lars stood behind James. 

"Thanks, you guys," Dave sighed, slowly standing up. It was a new beginning. And it felt great.

"If you guys need anything or want to hang out, you can just pop into our tent at anytime," offered Kirk.

"Same here," replied David.

Overwhelmed still, but knowing it was real, Dave walked back to the Megadeth tent with David to catch up with Chris and Shawn. It was going to be an amazing tour for the rest of the Big Four shows. Dave knew it.

With even Kirk and Rob kindly welcoming him, and finally reuniting after so long, he felt as if he'd arrived.

He had his brother back -both of his brothers now.

He felt fully healed for the first time he could remember in years.

He wasn't afraid or nervous, but he instead at this moment felt like he could trust again -something he struggled so hard to do from trauma,

He was glad to be here...

...He was _home._

**Author's Note:**

> The events of Last Ride Together come full circle


End file.
